amen sister

im trying not to spin into a flown panic as I try to navigate through the next few weeks. so much to do and so little time, but mostly changes that I don't know how to anticipate.

its a funny thing anticipation. on the one hand it gives me great joy. a huge part of the fun of a vacation or a holiday for me is the anticipation. but that is because I am anxiously awaiting something I know and understand. anticipating something unfamiliar is a whole different story.
//scary//

so right now I feel like im swinging my arms and thrashing my legs in the water against the oncoming swell of a massive wave, hoping it will pass without working me over too much.

there's lots to tell you about and of course too many pictures to post. catch-up is on my list, but I'm not going to get to it for a few days. the next few days my biggest priority will be deep breathes. I did however read this the other day on one of my favorite blogs. for now leaving you with something that just makes too much sense to me not to share: 

"i consider myself a strong and independent woman. imperfect but also impossibly strong. relatively intelligent with an improbably fantastic group of friends.

but do i long for a man? yes, absolutely.

every shred of scientific evidence suggests that the reason we are here in this earth-bound-human-form is to make connections and form bonds. the bonds with friends being one, the bonds with family another, and the bond with a romantic partner all-together-different still.

i never realized that wanting a man--wanting to share my life with a man--made me less of a woman. made me somehow weak and an embarrassment to my sex. are the two things mutually exclusive? when did we as women do this too each other? is this the great, lasting legacy of women's lib?

because i don't want it. that's not the legacy i'll choose to take.

i am a strong, independent woman. and my desire for a man neither makes me more or less of these things.

it simply is--and it is mine.

it makes me human. in need of sustenance. in the form of touch and affection and love.

but in wanting to find a partner--in wanting to choose the right partner--i want the man who compels me to be more. more of myself. who demands that i be as honest and as true and as good as i am capable of. and so in that sense yes, i want the man who will make an honest woman out of me. honest, having nothing to do with sin or sex or needing a man to complete me, but everything to do with allowing me to by myself--imperfect and messy and flawed in more ways the i care to share here."

so grateful jordan made is making an honest woman out of me.